Holding Onto Beauty

am i already holding it?

2009-03-05T12:44:00.000-08:00

have you ever found yourself striving for something that you want so badly? and then you pause for a moment and you realize what you are striving for, you already have...that's happening to me today...thankful, so thankful...

holding onto bread and wine = holding onto depravity and glory

2009-03-04T21:20:00.000-08:00

Sunday was communion Sunday at church. My hubby the interim pastor talked about brokeness. Something was different this time, at least for me.

Usually in our tradition when receiving communion, we receive one element at a time. My ritual of communion, along with remembering Christ, usually involves some rhythm of confession and receiving pardon. When I receive the bread I hold it cupped in my hands. I remember Jesus's death, and I reflect only on my depravity, my sin, and my confession. Then, when I receive the wine, I hold it cupped in my hands. I remember Jesus' resurrection, and I accept pardon, receive God's forgiveness and wonder on His glory reflected in me.

This Sunday, was different. After receiving both elements, I looked down at my hands and I was holding both the bread and the wine in my cupped hands at the same time. Both my depravity and God's glory at the same time...just holding it there waiting to receive the invitation to take and eat, to take and drink. My brokeness and God's glory reflected in me...holding them both.

Here's a song I like...you can watch the video too...
http://vids.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.individual&videoid=47193189

Seeing through things

2009-02-10T13:37:00.001-08:00

It's snowing this morning in Seattle. It's really quite easy for me to ignore. This morning my friend who is from the Northwest thought it novel to scrape snow from my car windows. After arriving home from a three hour Psychology class, I routinely opened my mini blinds and caught myself standing in our living room, staring at the snow. Have you ever seen snow through mini blinds? Well, It's really quite hard to ignore, in fact, it's magical. All this makes me wonder about seeing. Seeing through things...

Slowing Down and holding on

2009-02-06T14:25:00.000-08:00

You notice a whole lot more when you slow down!

today ...i noticed that my hubby and I take the first two bites out of our toast in the same places...

facing beauty

2009-02-05T13:56:00.001-08:00

Have you ever seen something so beautiful that when you see it, you turn your face away? That happened to me yesterday...

The mountains were out today!

2009-01-17T17:22:00.000-08:00

My friend, Melinda, came to visit me last week for almost six days. The entire time she was in Seattle, the mountains were continuously hidden behind layers of clouds. Everyday, like most days, I looked to see if they were there.

One day when we visited Sunset Hill, one my favorite spots in Seattle, we could barely see a sillouhette of the moutains behind the clouds. If we weren't looking for it we would not have noticed. The mountains are becoming a reminder to me about life. I can't always see the beauty very clearly because it is hidden by the clouds, but each day I need to keep looking for it.

Well, guess what? Today...the mountains were there, or rather I could see that they were there! In fact, it was one of the most beautiful views of the mountains ever. Mt. Rainier was out too! My little self smiled real big and all the way home I couldn't stop turning around to see that they were still there!

Loneliness

2008-11-29T12:30:00.000-08:00

Two weeks ago, I attended a service at Church of the Apostle. Their sister church, Beloved, was hosting the worship service. They shared a live performance of their newest CD music, Hope for a Tree Cut Down, interspersed with Henri Nouwen interviews about loneliness. For those of you who don't know Henri Nouwen, he is one of the most popular spiritual writers of our time. Henri Nouwen spent his life helping people respond to the universal “yearning for love, unity, and communion that doesn’t go away”. He tried to answer questions like: Is it possible to touch and taste the love of God? How can we live a spiritual life that embraces the pain and suffering of our lives and in the world, and gives us the freedom to love deeply wherever we are? His thoughts on loneliness shared in worship at COTA are helpful and inspiring to me. He has written two books that I want to check out, Beloved and Reaching Out. Today I'm trying to be honest both about my loneliness and my need for God. If you want to listen or download Beloved's music, go here: http://belovedschurch.org/hope/. Enjoy!

Things I feel good about

2008-11-28T20:41:00.000-08:00

Okay...so lately I've been especially focused on continuous improvement...I'm always tempted to think more about continuous improvement than the glimpses of beauty that might shine through me. I have been struggling lately to remember these glimpses of beauty. After a drive through the mountains with my life long partner, I have a desire to focus as much energy on identifying the glimpses of beauty in my life as I do identifying areas for growth. There are so many simple things that happen from day to day that I feel good about. It is crazy for me to lose sight of these things. Some things I feel good about today...

Slept In--pausing, relaxing and prayers of thanks before my feet hit the floor.

Drank coffee for breakfast with my hubby--Coffee makes me happy, especially if it is fair trade and with my hubby!

Went with Jer to Goodwill to shop for some cheap cheap clothes~it's a pink day~ I bought a pink corduroy jacket for $10 Yay! --Cheap is a value of mine.

Called my dad and talked for about 2 hours--love you dad!

Went with my friend Rhoda and her friend Amy to downtown Seattle to watch the lighting of the massive Christmas tree--oooh so much fun being a short person...can meander through crowds, lots of joy and excitement about small things.

drank a free sample of Starbucks coffee...oooh yummy!

took pics of me-n-Rhoda pretending to be mannequins outside the Christmas Displays--I'm not afraid to make a fool of myself.

danced to Christmas music on the street..."Dancin' in the Street!" --fun, fun, having fun

Listened to the band, Over the Rhine, for free on the internet--http://www.overtherhine.com/ ---good music

Ate thanksgiving leftovers...my friend Rhoda made these yummy homeade rolls! --I appreciate homemade stuff!

need I say more...

Grateful

2008-11-28T20:32:00.000-08:00

Okay...so this has been a long semester at Mars Hill Graduate School. I'm wanting to hold onto the beauty...so in an attempt to do this, I decided to start this blog...

So grateful for this time...
this time to reflect...reflecting on the stories which make up the years of my life

this time to read...reading Buber, Dillard, Allender, Matthew Fox, Barth, Bruggemann, and many many others

this time for change...changing places and changing thoughts and changing perceptions

this time for preparation...preparing to be a counselor, preparing for what's next whatever that might be

this time...so grateful for this time